the fear

I’ve got the fear.

It’s half-term next week, and it’s about two months since I finished the first draft of my novel. A good time to start editing and revising. That was the plan, anyway.

So this morning I printed out a paper copy, with the intention of reading it through once and taking it in. No notes, no criticism, just see what’s there and how I feel about it.¬† It was quite satisfying to see the big wodge of paper¬† sitting on top of the printer. I felt a little bit proud.

But when I went to pick it up, to take it in my hands and start reading – I couldn’t. I sat there, staring at it, trying not to read any of the words on the page. I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Part of a sentence: “…clattering out of slots…”. Awful words. Terrible. This whole thing is a mistake, I thought. Abandon ship!

At some point I am going to have to gather up my courage and actually read the damn thing. Writing is such a head-fuck sometimes.

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5 Responses to “the fear”

  1. Priya Sharma says:

    Georgina- gird your loins and do it. I imagine that your “terrible” writing is of a quality that the rest of us aspire to write! Anyway, first drafts are allowed to be bad. I look forward to the novel.

  2. georgie says:

    Oh Priya, you are definitely much too kind! But thank you :)

    I was brave, I girded my loins, and I read it. It was very bad indeed. But I liked some things about it, and I definitely want to keep working on it, so I’m calling it a WIN!

  3. Gio Clairval says:

    Beta-readers love beta-reading.
    Beta-readers want to beta-read.
    Send baby to beta-readers.

  4. Gio Clairval says:

    And I still can’t read your posts on my reading list. Blogger says “couldn’t find the feed.” But I tested the link and it worked.

    “George’s Brother? Can you hear me?”

  5. georgie says:

    It’s not ready for beta readers yet (it’s SO not ready…), but rest assured I shall be calling on your services once I’ve got this draft in a bit more order.

    As for the link feed, I dunno. I think it might be because of the graphical element in the headers to the posts, but I could be wrong. It requires discussion and working out what to do and making appropriate compromises… I’ll keep you informed!